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GeneDouglas |
Closing the Canon
Jan 19 2008, 3:03 PM EST
"All right, you guys, here's the deal. Emperor Constantine has offered to buy 50 copies of the Bible, and we don't have a Bible." "Fifty copies? Good Lord. All copied by hand, and each one worth as much as a new Cadillac, that is, if we had Cadillacs. What a bundle!" "The problem is, there's no such thing. How are we going to sell him something that doesn't exist?" "There are lots of Torahs around." "I don't mean the Old Testament. He wants New Testaments. And the fact is, there are dozens of writings floating around all over the empire. We've got to collect a lot of them and copy them, so he'll be able to buy the lot." "Well, which ones do we collect? There are too many to just copy them all." "For one thing, the conference at Nicea eliminated anything that says that Jesus is below God. If it doesn't say Jesus is equal to God, it's out. Then, we've suppressed anything that suggests reincarnation. In fact, if you find any of those, see that they're burned." "Well, what about Jesus asking his apostles who they think he is? One said he might be the reincarnation of Ezekiel. Should we just strike out that sentence?" "No, it's too well known. Just leave it there. We'll gather about a dozen or so writings, decide that those are more official than the others, and declare anything else to be apocryphal. We'll hire a lot of guys who know how to write, copy off 50 copies of each, and then gather them together on a single scroll. He'll really like it when we get finished." "Well, what're we waiting for? Let's sit down, decide what goes in, shut out the others, and start copying." "O.K. guys, we start now. What we put in, is official. What we don't, from now on is not the real McCoy. Any questions?" Do you find this valuable?
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GeneDouglas |
1. RE: Closing the Canon
Jan 19 2008, 3:06 PM EST
GeneDouglas RE: Closing the Canon Dec 26 2007, 11:19 AM EST "Questions? Yeah, boss. I mean, there's so much out there. And a lot of it looks good. This scroll's going to have a thousand pages, that is, if it had pages. And we don't know for sure who wrote a lot of it. And then if not all the copies are identical, somebody's been making changes. I mean, how are we to know for sure what to pick?" "No matter. We'll just put together what we can, and in about a thousand years, they'll have a Council of Trent. They'll put the finishing touches on all this, in reaction to people called Protestants. And they'll decide once and for all what goes in, and what stays out." "But, would they actually know that much about God's thinking, and history as it actually happened, and what somebody really said centuries before, and so on? "Of course. They're bishops, like us. Who would know better? Anyway, my guess is that about 500 years after that, people called evangelicals and fundamentalists will defend their decisions as absolutely perfect." "But, are these evang... whatever you called them, will they be Catholics?" "No, they'll be protestants." "But you said the council would close the canon to oppose protestants. Now the protestants will be defending what they did?" "Well, it would seem these protestants are a lot more Catholic than they know." "How do you know all this stuff, if it hasn't happened yet?" "I don't. Some guy is just writing this about us, long after the fact. Any more questions?" Do you find this valuable? |
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GeneDouglas |
2. RE: Closing the Canon
Jan 19 2008, 3:07 PM EST
"Hey, boss. I heard some talk at the tavern the other day.""Would you mind calling me Father? After all, I worked a long time to get where I am." "Right, boss. I mean, Father. Anyway, these guys at the pub were talking about the resurrection. They made a big joke out of it. I mean, if Jesus was resurrected, and he was only thirty years old, then he should have done a lot more things for the next thirty years or so, right?" "Well, it looks like it." "But you don't read about anything more after that. They do all these other things, but he's never mentioned again, at least not doing anything. And then sooner or later, he'd die again, wouldn't he? Why don't they say anything about his dying? Wouldn't that be important, too?" "Hmm. You've got a point. And the people at the pub were mocking the story?" "Well, sort of. I mean, it's like if he was real, the story would be different from his just not doing anything more after that, wouldn't it?" "Good point. I think we could dress it up a little to cover that point. If he was never mentioned being around again, wouldn't that mean he went somewhere?" "Well, maybe." "I think he must have gone straight to heaven. We can put that in. Surely it must be true. And the great unwashed public are so ignorant, they need somethng to keep their faith up. Just rising up into the air and disappearing in the clouds would sound good. People would really be impressed, I think." "So we put that in, then?" "Sure. Just a few words. Can't hurt anything." Do you find this valuable? |
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GeneDouglas |
4. RE: Closing the Canon
Mar 22 2008, 8:58 PM EDT
(Much later)"All right, you blokes, the big day is about here." "You mean, King James' project is finished?" "Exactly. They're printing them up, and thousands of copies will be on the shop shelves in no time at all. You can toss out all the Great Bibles, and replace them with the new ones." "I'm getting mixed up, here. First, the Council of Trent said the Latin Vulgate was the only Bible that wasn't heretical..." "Yes, but they were Catholic, and we've thrown them out." "So, the Latin Vulgate wasn't incapable of error, after all." "Not unless the Catholic leaders were incapable of error. And that's why we and the Lutherans and Presbyterians have broken away, right?" "Yeah, I guess so. So we replaced that with the Great Bible while Henry was alive. And now we're throwing that out?" "Shot full of errors. But the King James version has fixed all that, at last." "So now, the new Bible is inerrant, right?" "Of course. It's the word of God. How could there be any error in that?" "According to..." "According to the church fathers, of course. That is, the Anglican church fathers. At any rate, you could get yourself hanged by questions like that. " "And they're inerrant?" "They're the best we've got. Appointed by the King himself, and the Queen before that.. How could they go wrong?" "So, though they were wrong in 329, and they were wrong at Trent, and they were wrong under Henry, finally they're right." "Now you've got it. The King James Bible is absolutely perfect. These are the exact words that came from the pens of the apostles and the mouth of Jesus." "Well, it's a good thing we finally know." Do you find this valuable? |
